This is a devil’s world, Mother once told me While cleaning her Mauser gun.
Since I was a blue-eyed child I wasn’t like you I used to climb in the trees and refuse to come down
My father would scream at me, Holding his belt like a whip I would scream back Daddy, eat my shit
People are rats of the World Tree Life is a big word, all I see is black First it’s dark and then it turns gold Then I close my eyes to come back.
They cut the lights so we sat With a candle lit, and shadows then Walked around the room Mother cocked the heavy burden Two flashes then rolled about the floor Like shells with phosphorous laughter and sulfurous breath
She went singing There’s nothing there And never will be Life is a big word, all I see is black.
I met her in a picture gallery, Where naked women masturbate beneath a plaid She took me by my hand and we ran to the park Finished two packs of Marlboroughs in an hour
We drove in her Taurus smoking opium Through downtown where the trees Are wrapped in electric lights We sang American Pie and cried, Choking our tears with course tongues, And strong hands below the beltlines
And I ran, forgot where I lived, Made my lay in the golden depth Having drunk from my mother’s breast, Every woman begs for incest.
She spread better then a loose rhyme I work with, With time I’ve learned to turn a blind eye On her heroin friends and cocaine acquaintances, For when we were alone, she stood beside me Looking up with her scotch breath Like a wronged woman looks at her savior She cried to my collarbone, telling me how in life There is nothing but love and death
I only pictured her as my older sister, and that’s love And every golden teardrop of it Is already inside of me, and the rest is death.
She gets dressed slowly
Puts her makeup on
Looking at her own
Through a small mirror in the bedroom
Smeared with candlelight.
On turquoise marble
And cutting these beautiful
Lines to run thick by her sleeping heart.
She walks out onto the boulevard
And the lights smile at her
And the moon in feathers
Falls at the very tip of her footsteps.
Couples cling to each other,
And the lonely ones she welcomes with a subtle nod
While taxis rush and cars slide down
Disappearing into the moonlit somewhere.
The bay is covered by the soft fog
It’s a weightless night.
I held your arm
Half an hour ago,
I’m still warmed by your warmth.
Other eyes sink into me
Not a trace of winter fears left in me
I can greet them as a long-forgotten friend.
As the reminder of you dies
In my hand the memory of you- lives.